Captions are being a bitch, so let’s do this gallery-style:

 

Don’t kill yourself!

I’m simply mesmerized by these exotic scarlet orbs! Sometimes I lay in bed all day thinking about them.

Who is that masked man in my kitchen?

“Tom’s sausage is just marvelous! You must give it a whirl.”

And if you’re feeling really wild . . .

. . . you can always boil a can of milk and hope for the best.